Sometimes the fear of change is worse than the change itself.
Although I cannot claim this as an original statement, I must say, I have to OWN IT! I am the queen of plaguing myself with fear. Especially when there is change in my life involving no plan ahead. Yes, this one of my OCD Mama traits coming out! "MUST. ORGANIZE. AND. PLAN. MY LIFE. AT ALL TIMES!" There are logical explanations for doing so, because unfortunately the outcome of what we fear can sometimes become a reality. Am I right mamas? I often tell myself , "if I can just organize an plan my life I won't feel like such a mess", (or so I try to convince myself). But God ALWAYS has a plan for our lives! And in the last several months He has stretched my heart teaching me a valuable lesson of LETTING IT GO! I had to let go of my plans because I believe He had better plans ahead.
As summer break grew closer and closer my anxiety for the changes that were about to happen in my life increased.
"Lord, I do not know how to handle this. Why does everything have to change this summer?"
My routine was gone! In addition to a minor elbow injury leaving my workouts limited, I was also unable to go to the gym with my kids at home. A summons for jury duty had me stressed, because as a stay-at-home mom ,"Who would take care of my children?" A planned mission trip and possible travel for my husband meant I had no partner to help.( And I am perfectly honest when it comes to this......MY HUSBAND ROCKS!) He keeps me sane. Mom 24/7, NO breaks, NO "me time". It was all a bit overwhelming.
I have highlighted this passage from LET. IT. GO. by Karen Ehman : (my summer read)
"Our only solution is to cultivate the gentle art of acceptance, of learning not to ask"Why me?" but rather "What am I supposed to learn at this junction of life that will make me a better person and draw me closer to God?" We shouldn't pout, asking God to get us out of the circumstances. Instead of crying, "Lord, get me out of here!" we should instead be praying, "Lord, why have you brought me here?" (The Seduction to Self pg. 53)
"For God has of given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline." ~2 Timothy 1:7 NLT
Though I felt powerless to what was to come, God kept whispering, "let it go". Friends, I wish I could tell you I gracefully surrendered my anxiety to God, but sadly I didn't. At least not right away. I indulged in my fare share of pouting before I asked, "Lord why have you brought me here?". It took more than half the summer for me to accept the "no schedule, go with the flow" summer in our house. Some things worked out and some not so much the way I wanted. My husband did not do any traveling, partially because the motor burnt out in one of our vehicles right before the mission team was about to leave. (See, I told you my husband is awesome because he would not just leave me in such a crisis). I was NOT chosen for the jury panel and was able to find child care for the one day I had to report for jury selection. And my injury, the gym, and my "me time",, well, that is still a struggle. But, God got me through the summer and we were blessed to have a relaxing and wonderful beach trip at the end of it all! I believe God put me in this series of uncomfortable circumstances to slow me down a bit and to mold my heart, urging me to let Him take control
Now that school has started again I have come full circle landing right back where I started. New routine, new schedule, new projects, etc. My tendency to want to organize and plan everything prevails. But I am desperately trying to not forget the LET IT GO mindset. I learned that when we don't just let things go sometimes we miss the blessings of what God has for us. I discovered that those blessing for me is when I am being intentional about savoring the moments with my children. I found that I was so worried about my task at hand and what was the next thing on my to-do list that I was often multitasking through those everyday "moments" with my children. I wasn't stopping to listen to them. Not only was I missing the moments I was overwhelming myself in the process.
I have much more to learn but I am excited about my NEW journey of LETTING IT (somethings) GO to make room for the new things God has for me.!
I hope my summer heart stretch encouraged you today and I hope you will keep reading as I continue to share my journey I call life!
Blessings Friends <3